Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
