from now on my penis is your penis
Only a mothe r could love this liver
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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