last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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