Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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