after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
