I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
