Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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