you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
