the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
