im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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