Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
PANTIES FOUND
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
