also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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