Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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