my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
