mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
