you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
