Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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