i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
