I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
