omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
