There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
