Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
