the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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