but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
