the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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