tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
