Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
