he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
