I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
