Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
