By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
