Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
