My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
