ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
