Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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