So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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