I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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