doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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