bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize