you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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