Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
