He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
