I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's great music for shaving your balls
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
