i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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