I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
