So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
