i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she peed on how many people?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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