she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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