I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize