lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
