I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
barbara walters just said penis...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
did i walk over a car last night?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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