i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
