You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
