WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
