make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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