And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
