I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
