This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
either way he was missing a nipple.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
