toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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