You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Four minutes until I can fart!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
