i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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