i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
