Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
