how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
