glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
