Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
ok first of all what the fuck
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
