being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
