I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
