I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
