You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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