She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
