We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize