butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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